Falling in love again .. this time with myself
Stories of Role Models
I am an Army kid, who grew up all over India. I graduated from Delhi University and did an MBA in HR from IMT Ghaziabad.
I had big plans. I made a vision board for myself. At age 22, I knew I was going somewhere.
Often I would push myself to do more with myself. My ambitious zeal propelled me on.
Marriage happened, moved countries from India to South Africa soon thereafter. My daughter was born there.
I soaked up the new country, opened doors to newer work opportunities and my family kept me busy. I was so busy, I literally had no time for myself.
3 years later, we moved to Moscow.
A new country meant new adjustments and starting things afresh, both socially and professionally. I learned the Russian language, birthed our second child there, worked with the Indian Embassy…and yes horned my culinary skills too!
Far away from the rest of the family, and a much travelling husband I had to manage almost everything by myself. It kept my hands full and then some more. At this stage, my own life , my own identity took a back seat.
I could not work full time..it was all project based work that I took up for professional contribution and satisfaction. Visa issues added fuel to an already ignited self and held me back. Earlier, I had validated myself with my work. This link had gone weak
I kept pouring myself into my responsibilities . I knew I loved my family, and they loved me back, but an important part of me…my work and professional contribution had almost disappeared. I began to doubt if I added any value to anyone or anything.
It took a chance conversation at the school function for my children, for this to sink in.
Someone said to me, ‘You have a lovely smile!’. I had forced a smile in return. I kept thinking about it, even later.
That evening, upon coming home, I looked at myself in the mirror.
I saw a stranger I did not identify with. A stranger who did not have the time to smile anymore. Someone whose face smiled, while the heart read empty.
Standing there, empty and wrung out, I decided to turn it around. I would focus on myself first, and others follow then on.
I would still attend to my child’s flu, my husband’s IBS. I would still make calls to my aged parents and care for them long distance. But I would also look after myself.
I started small.
Coming from a punjabi family, we loved our Butter Chicken, Dal Makhani and Baingan Bhartha. My husband’s family were not friends with Brinjals, so I never made Bhartha.
I now did. One dish made a difference.
One song made a difference. I listened to a playlist I made for myself. Life had taken my music away. I began to consciously bring it back in.
One book. One lost friend. I added them all to me. One by one.
I began seeing myself as a separate entity.
This marked a turning point in my life. Gradually, as I learnt to give attention to myself, the tattered jigsaw of my life began to come together…one piece at a time.
I fell in love again. This time with myself.
We moved back to India. I found myself in Mumbai, and then Bangalore.
I resolved I would work for the sake of my passion, but I did not know what it would be. I did know, it had to be something that would be immune to relocations :)
Just as I had done at 22, I made a vision board for myself afresh.
There was one difference, that made all the difference. The earlier vision was to push myself with. This one was to express myself with.
‘Well-being’ topped my list of possible expressions. I had experienced first-hand the difference that loving yourself can make. I wanted to bring it to others.
I so much wanted to bridge the gender gap. I deep dived into diversity, equity and inclusion issues at the workplace. I researched, I explored.
I found my true north in creating and contributing my iota to an ecosystem, where a woman at work never feels alone.
Over the years, I now serve to the support and mentoring needs of the entire life cycle of women professionals
University graduates - getting them corporate ready
Emerging women leaders - activation and realisation of potential
Women who are shattering the glass ceiling - enabling them navigate through the glass :)
Early stage women entrepreneurs and
Returning career women …
I have touched more than 20K (in person) and over hundred thousand (digitally) lives !
My Corporate Diva Tribe is made of real time women that are all Divas in their own respect. They are beautiful and need to be celebrated because they accept themselves and bring their best to what they do.
They (now) love themselves!
Irrespective of gender, if you also want to start loving yourself -
Start with one. One book, one lost friend, one song, one fav-dish. Bring it back, for yourself
See yourself as a separate entity. Most of us can shower love on others. When you see yourself as a separate entity, it is easier to catch some of that shower for yourself.
Learn to pause and breathe better. Pauses are your friends. Pauses to be mindful and self-reflect
Do a Vision board for what you want to celebrate and express in yourself. Then do it.
Do this, and I promise you - ‘You will get to date yourself, every single day, and when that happens, each day you strive to keep your date as happy as loving as can ever be
That’s when you realise…
That you’ve made yourself fall in love again…this time with your SELF !’.