How I healed myself from a toxic workplace
My parents raised me as an independent, fearless, and responsible person. They gave me the wings of liberty with a sense of responsibility.
I did well at work. I thrived on work. It surrounded me. I saw work as a reflection of myself. I got promoted often and quickly :)
Then I joined a new company - I will call it M Corp.
From day one, I was loaded with work. That was good only. But work was all ad-hoc and haphazard. When I tried to find opportunities in challenges, my manager and colleagues were not receptive. Perhaps they were used to doing things in a particular way.
It was nearly impossible to get a word of praise from anyone. If something did not go well, they were sure to let me know, but when I took the initiative, when I did good things, they met me with silence.
From time to time, I wondered if I had some unknown shortcomings as a L&D professional. It was the first time in 10 years this was happening. The job looked good on paper, but I was unhappy.
I started to simply do what was assigned. I was not myself.
For a year, I tried to make things work. My family paid the price for it too. I was withdrawn when I got home. This was so unlike me. M Corp was all I could talk about.
One day, I met Manish, an ex-colleague for coffee. We chatted. Later on he sent me a text that he had never seen me so down. If there was anything he could do to help.
I wrote back asking for us to talk, but not before I erased and retyped the message at least 6 times in doing so.
I called. We talked. He heard me for some time and then asked me if I will do a simple exercise. When I nodded yes, he asked me to put it all down on paper. ‘Write a self-reflection journal holding nothing back. Just write. You don’t have to show it to anyone!’, he said.
I did what he said and on day 3, as I sat writing, I started sobbing. I sobbed about the missed good times in college because I was working. I sobbed about my disappointment from teachers and bosses when they did not see my worth. A weight lifted as I cried about M Corp.
I made a conscious decision. I quit M Corp. I had no job lined up, yet I loved my boldness. I was happy. For all of 2 days.
Then the worry started. Did I fail? How could I fail? Was the workplace toxic? I turned these questions in my head again and again. Endlessly.
I knew it was time to move on and started applying for jobs again. I applied and cracked the job interviews. Soon I had 6 offers. Yet I was unsure. My confidence had taken a hit. I did not know what to do?
My intuition told me acceptance was the first step. I accepted that I now had a scar. I did not hide it. When I talked about it to my friends and family with grace, it turned into a medal I had won.
From there on, I became my healer.
I started going to the temple every week. I prayed. I had scoffed about prayer as something that oldies do, but when I prayed, I felt calm and connected to the world around me. It helped.
I offered a helping hand to others. In small acts of charity.
I thought beyond myself and my immediate work.
Today I am happy at another job, in a company I took the time to screen for culture fit, before coming on-board.
I have learnt that I am bigger than just my work and the keys to my happiness are in my own hands. Also, your job never defines you. It's you who defines it.
Here are some other things for you to consider -
Failure is part of success. Sometimes, talking about it openly makes it easy to accept.
Healing begins with acceptance. It can not begin without acceptance.
Gratitude and Self-Reflection are powerful weapons in your healing journey
Friends and family are your support system. Keep them close to you.
Your spouse can be a wonderful coach, if you will let them be.
This post was first published on https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-i-healed-myself-from-toxic-workplace-brij-sethi/